Dear Everyone,

You have no idea how much I appreciate all of your messages, text messages and emails. They are so very much needed in this *whatever you want to call it* time.

How much I miss my Mom, is beyond describeable. It all went so fast, way too fast for anyone to comprehend. In her last few days she got extremly “confused”. And this is what gives me a little hope, to know that even if we had brought her into a hospital (against her will), they could have possibly done something for her body, but probably not for her head. And I know for sure that she never ever wanted to be a nursing case. That a lot of hardship is now taken off of her, and I pray so much that this is what she wanted. And not to know, is killing me. But I wanted her longer, so much longer.

I am extremly lucky to have people at work “taking care of me”, yes I am working. Being at home is killing me. She is missing everywhere I look. It is so so hard. I cannot do any of the things that need to be done. I pray that my Mom doesnt think I am leaving her alone, I just absolutely cant. I miss her so much.

Do you think there is a spirit world? Do you think she is with me? Or do you think its all over once you are dead? I always used to believe in spirits. But its so different when you are there.

I so much hope it will get easier. At this point I just want to be with her.

We will hang in there.

My Mom passed away today at around 3.30 am.

What a huge gap she will leave behind, I wont dare to imagine.

When I asked her the last few days if I should worry, she always said no. She said that we two have survived worse things in the past. Maybe that was just too much. I know she would have never left me behind if she could have helped it.

She suffered so much, I am so glad she doesnt have to suffer anymore.

I smelled her all morning, I know she is with me.