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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

17853 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

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Where Is My Pot Of Gold

This week brought lots of thinking and enjoying being off Uni, nice. 😎 I bought Martha Stewarts Cookies baking book! 😀 But no time to bake right now, shame.

My brothers moods continue to rain down on me, as do bad moods of some other people as well. I feel like a dreamcatcher, just that I am not catching dreams, but rather moody outbursts and fits of agression, from pretty much always the same people. I have yet to find a way to be able to not let it affect me, but I am not succeeding. 😈 I think a therapy session would be in order, but right now I am too cheap to afford myself one. 😮

I feel that I am working so hard on myself, to feel good in my own skin, as hard as this is 💡 , but there is someone at work, who is incredibly negative. And unfortunatley, she always talks in plural form, which means I always feel like she is talking about both of us and it has been really pulling me down. I am done with feeling negative but it is so hard to seperate her negative plural talking from myself. Things like, we are too old to get a new job (huh?), we old ladies (again, huh?). It is most difficult to listen to it. I must find a way. Maybe we can move my sorting table at work a bit when the area adjustment happens. I hope!

This recent week I thought about how shortlived everything in life is. Even life itself, is incredibly impermanent (thank you for the word and food for thought Lucy ➡ ). Someone who worked at a firm in my delivery area passed away last week. It must have been around the time when my work collegue had her heart attacks. But this young woman from my delivery area didnt make it. She was on vacation with her family when it happend. I keep thinking who decides who gets to live and who doesnt. This is why I want to live so bad and thats why my motto is maximum damage control, always. Being sick sucks. But its still my time to live and it doesnt wait until I feel better.

And another thing I thought about is, that once someone goes, there is at least one person in line to take over. This young woman had to pass away, and now my brother has her job. I was offered the position, but please, when should I do this?! So I said I would send my brother. It is only until someone new is found. But in the meantime, my brother has the job. He has to get up in the morning, he has to go there, has to work… I think this is incredible important for him. After last weeks fiasco with this police rejection, another possibility came around. Which makes me ask what destiny is thinking. How it can decide to take a young boys Mom but decides to give my brother a new outlook, even if it is only for a short time. This life is so weird, it absolutely is.

The Olympic Games 2014 have started and I looooooooooove them. Especially as Austria is fighting for medals in so many disciplines. 🙂 These are the games that Salzburg wanted to have but didnt get. Incredibly lucky. As we had 15 degrees Celsius this past weekend and no snow anywhere! This would have been a complete fiasco.

Yeterday, I finally started writing on my Bachelor Paper I. Thank God! I wrote 7 pages so far (of 30) about Darwins theory of evolution, especially the parts where he compares the higher developed apes to the human race.

The paper is on Kafkas Report to an academy. The first half will be a commentary to Kafkas text. I am going to discuss Darwin, Brehm, Antrophoid research facilities, and probably a text by Hoffmann to compare the development of the ape in his literary work all in comparison to the ape in Kafkas text. I think one thesis that I am going to verify 😉 is that the evolution from ape to mankind took Kafka only 5 years whereas it took thousand of years in Darwins books. And so on. The next week must include much writing and much reading. I think this is a brilliant topic to write about. I dont want to fail, thats for sure.

To relax in all this craziness, I started crochetting Granny Squares, what an addiction:

I feel like I have to crochet at least a 1000 more until the blanket is done. 😯

I am still looking for my pot of gold luck. Who knows if I will ever find it. But at least I will die knowing I have given it my all. Have a great week everyone!

I will edit this entry tomorrow. It looks so boring. I need colours and vividness!

2 Responses to “Where Is My Pot Of Gold”

  1. Reply to this comment
    8:34 pm on February 10th, 2014

    Mensch Connie – ich hätte jedes Mal soviel zu sagen, will jedoch nicht klugscheissen und ausserdem fehlt mir die Energie, es zu schreiben.

    Es gibt übrigens weder einen Sinn im Leben noch einen Pot Gold – doch es gibt die innere Einstellung und da bist du doch schon ein gutes Stück weiter und wenn du mit dir und deiner Einstellung und wie du lebst etc. zufrieden bist, ziehst du auch gute Leute an. Hab ich bei dir schon über The Secret gepredigt? Wenn ja, vergiss es, wenn nein, sofort kaufen und damit arbeiten – der einzige Weg und ich glaube auch nur daran, weil ich diese Methode bereits instinktiv anwandte bevor ich davon in einem Buch las.

    Bleib stark – ich find dich toll (und bin unendlich beeindruckt von deinen Uni-Abhandlungen).

  2. Reply to this comment
    6:10 am on February 11th, 2014

    Life is indeed weird! Sending you multiple pots of golden luck!!! 😉

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