Around New Year’s Eve, from a friends cousin, the father-in-law passed away. I remember I said to her, that grief is the worst pain there is, because you are so terribly alone. Alone in the sense, that living on, is possibly the next hardest thing on the list, and that doesnt go away in days, or weeks, or even months, I am not sure that phase is ever completed. Others expect you to get on with your life, it is not possible.

All my life, I have had people pass judgement, for whatever reasons. One of the reasons I keep most of my things to myself, and the main reason, therapy failed me, or rather: I failed therapy, people do not understand. They never did, and they never will. I am learning this over and over again, why even bother.

Sadly, I am still judged, and I am still laughed at. Welcome to our society. Everyone sees you in the here and now, and that is all that matters. You know it, that should be all that counts, but does it really? It never ceases to hurt, and you are so alone.

Maybe it is similar to grieving, you need to develop a muscle that can deal with it. After so many years, I still dont have it.

This is the reason, I prefer my state of hermitism. I am my worst enemy, or so I thought. I was wrong.