Today brought so many questions and memories. So much self pity and denial. So many why us and so many what ifs.

I cannot comprehend it, still. Such an absurd thought.

This year seemed endless, and yet like it was just this very day. And to think, now it starts all over again. Her birthday, my birthday, Christmas… So glad when it was over last year, and now all again. Cant think too far ahead, it is all too overwhelming.

The pain in my heart and the longing for her is unbearable. Brutal. Indescribable pain.

Again, trips to various webpages, for proof or rather certainty that there is life after death, and that this is not the end. Nothing that brought me any peace.

Today, I long to be with her, so very badly.