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Das Verschwinden des Josef
Mengele

by Olivier Guez

-748 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no
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Sunday

18

August

2013

An Endless Circle

This week was rotten. I feel like people keep dying on me and “to celebrate” the occasion I have started to re-watch Six Feet Under. Which is brilliant as we know, but didnt improve my mood one bit. I am sure that my therapist will recommend going back on Anti Depressants, just to make it easier to get through the days.

I cant motivate myself for anything anymore either. 😯 I had a seminar-paper deadline last Monday, I didnt even start yet. Even though I do like my work, especially in the summer months, this week was awful, especially day one back. Didnt sleep one bit, my mood was rotten and all I could have done was cry. Maybe it is the IUD, it is the copper one, it must be messing with my hormones, because I am way overdue. Huh? Good thing I didnt have Sex, I would worry crazy!

So I am spending my time on the Sofa, stare into the air and ponder about life. What is the use of it, is it even worth it to stay in it, to watch all the others live while all I do is *exist*, who knows. Must snap out of this soon. I am sure my brother´s moods must have to do with it as well. Plus I keep dreaming really exhausting stuff. About my parents, this much dreaded Latin exam, … My head is exhausted. It really feels like I havent been on vacation at all. 🙁

BUT life is happening anyway, as we all know, time never stops and the earth does keep spinning no matter what.

We have a frog infront of our house. Since a long while already. I love frogs. ➡ Emma:



caught it yesterday and carried it:



around our house yesterday, like she does with all of her toys, in her mouth, I am sure the frog wasnt too pleased. At 1.30 am, but brother managed to free it – he bribed her with cheese – and it is happily living on now. Crazy dog!

On Tuesday, I would have had my control appointment at the hospital. BUT: doctor didnt want to see me, he wants me to see the doctor in chief because of the MTX, which I am really not in the mood for at all, but I got an appointment with him anyway. 👿 Hooray! 😈 This will cost me so many nerves. 😥

Throughout the week I continued to sew things that the world doesnt need:



I made lots of end of bed bags:



one for my postal car as well, which is incredibly useful, how did I ever manage without it? I got my old car back bytheway, thankfully!



I was also so very pleased, that the yearly car checkup, only cost me 68.- this time Yahoooooo!

It is a lot cooler now than it was during my vacation, but my skin is still really hating all these sweat and sun. 😕 It seems to react more and more again, which also means the Rituximab is stopping to work. Damn it.

Difficult this is. Always grateful that I dont know what the coming week will bring. I will snap out of this, eventually. I hope.



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Der Schatten des Windes