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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

-1415 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

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This past week brought lots of bad skin and incredibly much scratching which is a logic consequence, too much thinking, too little Bachelor-paper-writing (I am on page 13 now, of 30+), a bit too many calories, more brotherly problems and a lot of olympic tv watching.

I think I want to bring my inline skating to a completly new level: roller skiing. Inspired by the cross country skiing competitions on tv. 😉 This would be a brilliant new way to get rid of all that stress that I have in so many areas. And it looks absolutely brilliant when you can do it well. New goal. 😀

Its interesting what overthinking unsolved things can do. You end up turning certain situations around in your head until you find all the guilt in yourself. Brilliant. I am in that spot right now. Which of course was started with missing people. Parents, and all the other people that followed. I think some would love it, that their guilt is all taken away as its resting with me now. Must discuss this with therapist as soon as possible.

I found a pot of (unexpected) gold! Because of my high medical bills, I can apply for financial support at Post Sozial. They offer financial support for people in need who work for the Austrian Postal System. I got a whole bunch, this I didnt expect. It will land in my piggy bank. 🙂

This coming week I am going to see the current head of the dermatology clinic for the last time before he retires. Very stressful as I head into this situation not knowing what the future will bring with my very much unstable skin. I am not even able to trust that the right thing will happen, as life is highly unlogic and und unfair.

Sleep is too little and work is too much these days. As we are nearing the delivery mail area adjustment, the mood at work gets worse and worse. They have handed out the information last week, how many hours our areas are lacking after their calculations. Mine is lacking 4.5 hours / week. Apparently. That I am not the slowest and cant get done in 8.5 hours most of the time is not of interest. They are mad is all I can say. But no use getting upset before this adjustment actually happens. It will making studying so much more difficult though.

As I find myself aging by the second, I see some of my dreams float away. This has been on my mind and I find myself wondering what my parents would say. My Dad would be so disappointed. And this hurts A LOT. And then, as I am getting older, I find it exceedingly more difficult to run around with my skin. I hate showing on the outside how I feel on the inside. I hate it. My thoughts, as already said, are running into all sorts of directions now, and because I need to be so busy with writing on my Bachelor Paper I cannot sort them out. Argh.

I need longer days. I am already 1 book behind in my 50 books in the year 2014 challenge. 🙁

As always I am forever glad that I donot know what life will bring. Let it happen and deal with it then. New motto. Have a very good week everyone, lots of KISSES!

as always I will edit this entry to make it a bit more colourful

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