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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

17853 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

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Happy New Year 2018

Happy 2018 everyone! This is how getting old works I guess. With one year passing faster after the other. By accident I stumbled upon 5 year goals I have for myself in 2010. I have not reached a single goal. Who cares. Noone can know where this crazy life will lead us and I am trusting that whatever will or will not happen is OK for me.

Since I havent managed to pop in at all in December, SORRY, I can at least share some photo impression of the season, which seemed to pass by in an eyeblink again, as it always does really. Its a gallery, you can browse through the photos.

I hope you all had a good Christmas! It just never turns out how one wishes I suppose. I made the best of mine, even though my heart was broken into pieces by brother who had a massive fit, suicide threads included. Nothing to do about it. He is how he is. Always making the best of it. Unfortunatly I also gained LOADS of weight. Not so good.

The Friday before Christmas I had another trial checkup at the hospital. Skin is crazily good, it still itches and stuff, but in general it is REALLY good, very happy. They made lots of photos, made status of my skin, a skin punch and so on. I handed out fortune cookies which I had left over from work. All was good.

In the evening I swent swimming. We swam 30 x 100m which was crazy! I was so sore for days. But it also was a lot of fun!

Something else BIG happened shortly before the New Year. It will be its own entry. Its crazy! Nothing you might expect out of the blue.

Looking back on 2017:

  • I continue to be happy and content with what I have. I no longer strive for things and I never look too far ahead. I live in the moment, enjoy every day and I trust that whatever happens is what has to happen. Call me crazy for that. It is how I master life every single day.
  • I am OK in my body. Swimming made me confident about how I look. I wear shorts, I wear summery Tshirts and I no longer feel ashamed because I look trained with the many muscles that I have. This is huge!
  • I mastered the trial I was so very scared of beforehand. I am the only woman in it, which means others werent quite so brave. I managed to undress myself infront of three men who have to stare at me because of taking skin statuses and I managed to be ok with having a billion photos taken of my almost naked self, over and over again. I am brave and I am proud of it. This again is huge, it wouldnt have worked at all a few years back. I am proud.
  • Swimming is going amazing! I got so many comments on how I swim this year. From all over the place and always unexpected. It makes me so proud! Swimming is important for me. I also managed to hit a lung volume of 91% thanks to swimming. A huge goal reached.
  • I no longer stress myself over Uni. I cannot master the impossible. I work way too much to be able to study at all. So no more stress. It is ok. At some point I will be done, but no stress and no pressure.
  • I continue to miss my parents so very much and I so often want them here, but it is how it is. I will have to handle my life on my own and the one from my brother as well, which makes me much more exhausted than my own life.
  • Emma is Brilliant. Couldnt keep my spirits up without her. She has so much character and so many moods. 😉 Typical Cocker Spaniel.
  • I know how many people appreciate my work in my delivery area and I know how many people like me a lot out there. This gives me necessary feedback on how I am and feeds my ego.
  • I ran into Silvia a couple of times during the trial and I am ok with it. I no lionger have the urge to need to talk to her. Quite the contrary. I definitely dont want to talk to her every again because I know it is not good for me and I did what was necessary. This is also HUGE!
  • In summary I am growing every single day. I am a strong personality with many faults. I am who I am and my skin hasnt been so good in many years. I am enjoying it a lot but I also realize it will get bad again once the effect of this trial will wear off. I wont be prepared but I know it will happen.
  • I have a couple of posts coming. Be prepared! With that I wish you the best of luck for the New Year! Make the best of everything and enjoy every single day. Never take anything for granted for it can be gone in a second. Enjoy life with all the little things. Life is a gift! I feel I keep saying the same thing over and over again. But its important. Most of all be well and smile, a lot, it usually helps. With lots of love.

    One Response to “Happy New Year 2018”

    1. Reply to this comment
      5:46 am on January 9th, 2018

      Happy New Year to you & Emma too Connie!!! Your positive attitude is contagious! I hope 2018 will bring more positiveness & good results your way! :grintext:

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    ... und in der schwärzesten Nacht meines Lebens sah ich Sterne.
    Der Schatten des Windes