On my bad days, which I have had plenty of again lately, thank you, I think you die and rot away, and that is it. On my good days, I believe in the spirit world, and that death is NOT the end.

On the days leading up to mothers day, I have felt that excruciating pain again, pain from which you cannot flee. Quite similar to the days before our birthdays, I wished for peace of of mind.

Mothersday brought me not only peace of mind, but more than I could have ever asked for.

I can count on two hands, how often I was in my parents sleeping room in the ten months that have passed. And that, even though our wool was stored in there. Let alone go in there and dig in her things.

On Mothersday, I went into the sleeping room, opened her wardrobe, took out a bunch of knitting magazines, and between the magazines was a photo from her and me together. A photo before her first Meningitis, and before my skin shit appeared.

No, I had no idea my Mom kept her knitting journals in her wardrobe. I had absolutely no memory of that photo, and that she owned it. But if anything anywhere will catch my attention, you can bet it is knitting magazines.

What you should know too is, that when our computer exploded last year, photos from the last 7 or so years, were all destroyed.

I havent knitted in years, I only took it up again after my Mom had passed away.

If you had lived with my Mom, you would know that she took extremly strong anti depressants along other things, which prevented her from the bad, but also from all the good. But on the photo she is smiling!

Call it coincidence, whatever you like. For me, it is so much more.

This is the biggest miracle in my entire life, and that photo is now my most treasured property. Happy Mothersday Mommy, I love you!