The last few days were a blur. Unable to sleep, unable to eat. Slept better today, and I could have done with a few more “unable to eat” days. 😉 I am “ok”, or am I just totally numb and in shock. 😥

On the day my Dad died, he was doing relatively well. He was up, having breakfast, reading the newspaper… and then boom, and he is dead. 🙁 This is, how fast it can go.

I was with my Dad when he died for the first time (read the autobiography), and I was with him when he died for the second time. The second time, even though the outcome was fatal, was so peaceful, and I was lucky to be there, as a doctor said to me. So much better to be with him then to find him dead on the floor.

I take so much strength and peace from what I was able to experience! When my Mom died, I read all these books about death and dying, life after death and alike. You read them for comfort, you need these words badly and hang on to every single letter. But deep in my heart, I couldnt believe a thing I read. I am a skeptic by heart, a dreamer, but a realist.

I swear, this is not coming from my imagination. It was exactly like this. My Dad came from the toilet, and sat down on a chair. He just sat there without any muscle power, everything hang down, his arms, his head. I was practicing guitar, saw it, got up and went to check on him. I stood in front of him, when he suddenly lifted his head. He did not look at me, but rather past me. I think, oh no, he is seeing things again. He always did when his sugar skyrocked. He kept looking at that particular spot, and suddenly he started to smile. I say “what are you seeing now”, he was not able to speak anymore (I would have loved to hear what exactly he was seeing”), but instead he raised his arm and pointed to where he was looking (or did he really take someones arm, I cannot tell of course), and his smile broadened and so were his eyes, and then he was gone. The paramedics and doctors arrived shortly after that. They started to work on him (probably more for us then for him), and I was scarily calm, knowing, that he had left for good this time.

This experience makes it “bearable”, knowing that we will bury his body, but not his spirit. I hope I can live off it for a while to come. This of course, doesnt make the house fuller, or life easier. But I am running from reality, by working and spending as much time out of the house as possible.

Like in going to the zoo! Our zoo is so small, and the animals are so “regular”, but it was really cool anyway. One day I will upload all photos.

Please keep us in your thoughts, we can really need it.

Daily Dare: day 21, day 22, day 23 and day 24.