There are a lot of things that I detest about this skin s**t. One of them is laying in bed, and scratching all night. This itching you cannot imagine. You scratch yourself bloody, and it still doesnt stop.
I get up, dead. I sit over this stupid Dowland music, the time passes, and I cannot do it. All these failure thoughts pop in my head, I already start to think of things to say to “excuse” myself, for not being able to play the music AGAIN.
I get to my lesson. This stupid dry air makes my eyes water, I look like I am crying. I look at my guitar teacher and swear (here I remember my religion teacher saying “Connie dont swear, its a sin”) that I am not crying, I know he doesnt believe me.
We start to play. I cant even play the melody voice. I say I am completly out of place. He looks at me bewildered. He sais lets play the concert pieces, I say I cannot do them. We play the duet, none of us can do it. We get a laugh out of it, I leave.
I get home and should study, very badly and a lot. I go to bed instead, and sleep like a rock, preparing for yet another sleepless night.
I hate my skin.
9:41 pm on January 25th, 2005
Ergh, I can imagine how horrible it must be for you. Connie, you should read a book called the “Inner Game to Music” by Tim Gallwey. I have it, and it is just like you read it and you get confident about playing and performing, your nerves become less! Here is an Amazon link: here. It is great, and it is reduced at the moment! Everyone has bad days, and I know when I do. Sometimes my teacher will say “You are not making your excellent sound like you usually do”, but then she has said to be before “Oh my goodness, Nicki, I am gobsmacked, that was amazing”. *hugs you*. Oh and in reply to your comment, I think I was just being negative, the next day she wrote everyone a note and describved how well each person had done. She saw me and my friend today (also in the netball team) and she is like “Hi Superstars”. I have improved so much though, I think I was just overcome with disappointment!
10:13 pm on January 25th, 2005
Thanks Nicki! I think I will really get it when I order next from Amazon.
I am glad you are feeling better!
You must be good, otherwise you wouldnt be in the team! 😀 I am glad you got that note!!!
7:37 am on January 26th, 2005
I wish you some itch-less skin Connie.
12:31 pm on January 26th, 2005
Ach Connie, das tut mir so leid mit Deiner Haut, ehrlich. Da muss es doch irgend einen Weg geben
. Ich habe auch Probleme mit Klavier üben, habe das Gefühl, der Vorspiel-Termin hemmt mich. Naja, Musik ist schön, aber üben ist nicht immer einfach.
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