The new bunny “bed”, the bathroom scale:

A few weeks ago, I ordered some sheet music at a local music bookstore, and they always need forever to get them for you. Its a really old and traditional store, Mozarts sister has already ordered her music there. But really. Yesterday I thought I could check Amazon, and suprise suprise, not only do they carry it, they also send it out in 4 days. Amazon never ceases to amaze me.

I am sure a lot of you knitters know about the incredible custom fit raglan sweater. I tried it once, and forget it. It made my head explode. So yesterday, when I tried to start my Christmas knitting, I found this: a Raglan calculator, she also explains it with pictures. It is in German, but I think Google wont have a problem with it.

My Christmas knitting will have to wait. I cant even get it started. I cant seem to find any rest or rather peace, again. I am dwelling on the why me, and I cant get over it. I hate pity parties, it disgusts myself. I just keep thinking and thinking, and I know whatever I do, I cant rewind history and rewrite it. I am so incredible tired of trying, of going on, when just around the corner, the next immense brick is waiting to be thrown on me. I am so lost, I dont even know how to get through the day, and nights are long when you cannot sleep. I want to know that there is something, that my Mom is well and so much happier than she could have ever been here on earth, and that I am wasting my life, crying for hers.

She haunts me. When I am awake, and in my dreams. There are so many “coincidences” that just cant be. Like, I turn on the TV in the middle of the night, and there is a show which I cant name, about a spirit person protecting a little girl. Or I land at a site, that deals with death. Or a book falls into my hands that I had forgotten, that used to comfort me. Things like this, with in its multidute, even make me think.

I know I had more, but all forgotten. ❗