Nevermind me. I havent been able to sleep properly since November. My skin has been insane since Christmasday, I am running on pure cortisone, which doesnt make it better. I have been crying exchanged with being numb nonestop, going through all stages of grief, sometimes in a matter of seconds. At this point I trust in C.S. Lewis, who sais:
If you have been up all night and cried till you have no more tears
left in you – you will know that there comes in the end a sort of
quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.
That my Dad keeps calling me with her name, doesnt help. That she is very much alive in my dreams, doesnt help my sleeping. I am tired of overcoming and living through one thing after the other, because it never ever stops.
I am so tired of keeping up the facade whenever I leave the house. And when it falls, I am so annoyed at people who think they know what is good for me, when they dont even undestand why I dont want to get up anymore. A no win situation.
We are so lost. We are so in the dumps. I am. I am not sure my Dad cares at all. He just sleeps 24 hours a day.
We got a letter from court. Someone has sued us? Not sure. The mail carrier didnt ring *big nono*, and my Dad wont pickup the letter.
Anyone who has told me it will get better at some point in my life, you cant have been serious.
And I still cant get over the why always us. I will have to.
7:01 am on January 18th, 2006
*hugs*…
11:12 am on January 18th, 2006
I’m sorry. Just stay strong and patient. There’s nothing else I can say, really.
*hugs too*
7:43 pm on January 18th, 2006
You’re doing really well Connie *hugs* It is hard for anyone. I’ll be here as usual.
4:14 pm on January 22nd, 2006
I am so sorry Connie, I guess I won’t say much except sending my love across the miles your way.
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