Soul searching continues. This week, I still couldnt get my act together. Rethinking and talking with others, that the more bad that happens to you, the more good of you gets lost, as you get more and more desillusionel and bitter. And with every bad that happens to you, there dies a piece of you. And you just cannot help it. No matter how positive and strong you are. 😕 And then I am chewing on the fact, that if one person wants to make himself even more miserable: not my problem. But if another person decides to pull one down with them, by unbelievable unmature and unfair behaviour, then this is not ok. And I just dont manage yet to be able to step aside and think: dont give anyone this power over yourself to make you miserable. People have the power. And this is sickening that they use it. I dont have enough negative adverbs by hand to say what I think about this. 💡 💡 💡 At the same time, it is incredibly sad. Because all the good there was, gets totally erased by this stupid behaviour. And I just cant help thinking how dishonest he (in this case) was, how he played with me, totally to his liking. Pathological power games. And this makes me so mad! Because I pick my friends by the character traits that I find absolutely essential: honesty, NO LIES! 😡 Didnt quite work out in this case. So very disappointed!!

Mein rastloses Gehirn dachte sich in jeder Nacht neue Qualen und Todesarten für mich aus – wieso eigentlich? Warum ist man nicht Herr im eigenen Hirn, findet nicht mal im Schlaf seine Ruhe? Wieso wird man unausgesetzt von absurden Ängsten gepeinigt, wenn die Wirklichkeit doch meist harmlos und friedfertig ist?” —Walter Moers

I was invited over to Evas place this week. I made her a birthday pillow:

She stuffed me like a christmas turkey :shock:. We talked for six hours. Trying to sort out my thoughts. Noone I talk to can understand how someone can deleate a person he has known for 15 years, out of his life, like she never existed. 🙁 I wish I wouldnt care about it, but I do. And it hurts and hurts and hurts. And I am mad at myself, because I cannot stop this. When I like people I like them. That will be my gravestone. We had a good time tough. She has two cats, and needless to say, the rest of the week, I paid for these 6 hours. Yikes! So allergic!

Workweek was ok. But so many parcels, they didnt even fit into the car, on some days…

I had the worst fall with my inline skates this week. 😳 Argh, so unnesscary, just when I thought I had improved. Bummer. And our desktop computer stopped working. I had to buy a new one. Not in my budget. 😮 I got one from Lenova. Much smaller and faster. That is nice. But not in my budget, oh wait, did I say that already? 😉

The toad is still living with us. Love it! ➡ Its so cool. 🙂

I did a little bit of sewing. Playing with zippers. Plus I saw, that my most favourite online craft store, has new turtle fabric, weheee! Didnt get it yet though. 🙁



Therapy session was cancelled, as she couldnt find anyone to take care of her kiddies. And I keep thinking if the money is worth it. She isnt even done with her training yet. My insurance told me, not even she herself. Which I dont think is ok… And she doesnt help me. ❗

This was a sleepy week. And they pass so quick. To think that Christmas is just around the corner… insane how fast time flies. I need a boyfriend. I really do. I want a family. It is not nice to watch your friends build and work on theirs, and you are standing on the outside and have just waisted years on a person who wasnt even honest with you. Bad bad luck. Maybe luck will find me, and then…. maybe it will not. ❗

This coming Tuesday, I have an appointement with the doctor in chief at the dermatology outpatient clinic. Damn it. I dont want to see him at all. 🙁

Have a very good week everyone :arrow:. And more luck than I have!