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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

-947 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

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And Now Its August

And once again Connie has disappeared for what seems like forever! I am not even sure I know how to blog anymore. 😯 My turtle smilies have vanished with the constant upgrades, too. Will fix it once I am motivated enough to do so. Oh, and there it is AGAIN on top: “WordPress 2.8.3 is available! Please update now.”. No, thanks. Maybe later. Just noticed, that I hardly took pictures, either.

Of course, my life is NEVER boring and I really cant ever settle down, because as soon as I do, there is always more excitement waiting just around the corner. today is a good english day, some days are better than others. In any case, this Uni semester has ended and I have hardly taken exams. Because I was just too burned out and before having the most massive nervous breakdown in my history, I decided to push them back to October. Maybe it is an illusion that my life will be more settled then, but I will tell myself so anyway.

I am working on a new layout! The header is pretty much done, I am not sure I like it anymore though. I have probably stared at it for too long! I really need to declutter the domain, hackers have way too much fun with it! Lots to do. I started to knit a Harry Potter pullover and I bought an I-Phone, which I love to death!

This will be a more lengthy entry, prepare. I will add photos in a bit!

So, as all of my fellow Twitter friends already know, I was imprisoned behind hospital walls once again, for 13 days! which will cost me 140 Euros, argh I had an appointment at the dermatologist, which lasted about 60 seconds. He asked me whats up, I answered I cant get my skin (ekzemas all over my body) under control, he said I really cant work like this and he signed me in. Not much later, I had a bed and all the other “fun stuff” that goes along with a hospital stay.

In my room were 5 other beds, four of them were taken with the most charming older ladies, who all were extremely nice. I was really lucky! One of them was my chess mate, another one my crossword partner, another one always ate my food, another one was 87 and incredible funny, the last one was my “Replacement Mom”. She comforted me, hugged and kissed me, and sat with me on my bed holding my hand when my nerves were getting the better of me. I really do not belief in coincidence. I know that there are people who are watching over me, making sure I will be alright!

My skin was really bad. It has been for the longest while really. My dermatologist was never in, otherwise this might have happened sooner. I do know, and they even told me to do so, that once the skin gets bad again, and it undoubtedly will knowing my life and such, I should go to them.

In any way, with the help of iv antihistamines and alike, we killed the inflammation in a matter of hours. I started radiotherapy, which I have 3 times a week now (which is annoying as hell and I always burn somewhere) and my skin is not perfect, far from it, but probably the clearest it was since many years. Of course I am still taking steroids, it will be interesting to see how the skin will react once we stop it. They taught me quite a bit and I know now that I have terribly sensitive skin.

Of course, as always in situations like this, I had a heck of a time coping. I saw a psychotherapist three times because they said I am psychologically “conspicuous”. They even did a CT to rule out any form of brain abnormalities. I got a “nice” visit from the psychiatrist who told me I am nervous and talk way too fast. Huh? They couldnt figure out why my electrolytes where always way off (haha) and my blood pressure skyrocked throughout the 13 days that they made me stay in bed and eventually gave me medication to bring it down again. its normal again, dont worry I ran around the hospital for hours to get rid of that inner stress, but really nothing helped. In 13 days I lost 12 pounds. I really didnt do well in there at all.

The day of my Moms “heavenly birthday”, was particularly bad. The day before, the night nurse asked me if I am active in church (of course not) because her colleague knows my name and is wondering. My Mom worked for the church for the longest while and both of them knew her. But she didnt know that my Mom has passed away since then (she did know about my Dad), he did know as he is very active in the church my Mom last worked at. Being confronted with my past, which I so successfully repress, is not good for me. Especially not when its her death day the day after. But as said before, there are no coincidences. It must have been good for something! Anyway, on that day, my replacement Mom told me to go to the park and lay a flower on one of the benches in her memory, which I did, she also was really supportive the whole day, even thought she really was not doing well at all, and still isnt, unfortunately.

Eventually, I got to go home, with massive loads of instructions. Its incredibly time consuming, too time consuming. I have a control appointment next week. It will be interesting, I hope they will cut down on a lot of things. I still have contact with the ladies. Its incredibly unusual that we all stayed inpatient together for so long. The last one is still in there. But its really lovely to know that there are people out there with a good heart, good for my soul!

So much for that. I will keep you all posted how this continues. The layout will be finished eventually. I am taking it slow. I have off until Wednesday and I am really trying to do all the things I usually dont have time for. If you made it this far, you are a hero! 😛

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5 Responses to “And Now Its August”

  1. Reply to this comment
    11:25 pm on August 7th, 2009

    I noticed that the icon on my bookmark menu had changed for your blog, so I come over here and what do I find but a new layout and a blog entry, wahey 😀

    I always think that your English is good!

    Oooh, I-Phone! Are they worth it? (Here, they’re quite expensive on contract 🙂 )

    When I read about when people have to pay for healthcare, I have to be grateful about the National Health Service here. OK, we still have to pay for some things but we do get a lot for free.

    The ladies whom you shared a ward with sound lovely! It’s great that you found people who could comfort you and lift your spirits.

    Make sure you’re looking after yourself and enjoying the time off whilst you have it. *hugs*

  2. Reply to this comment
    11:26 pm on August 7th, 2009

    PS – Just saw that you still have my turtle in your turtle zoo! I really should start blogging again really. Maybe I could do a baking blog…

  3. Reply to this comment
    6:35 am on August 9th, 2009

    Always glad to know you’re there Connie…& that you always have angels to look after you! 😀

  4. Reply to this comment
    12:15 pm on August 9th, 2009


  5. Reply to this comment
    8:03 pm on October 28th, 2009

    …fast november!
    meine webadresse hat sich eeetwas geändert…

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