This past week was one of the most exhausting ones in a loooong time. So much work, exhaustingy much. So many parcels. People are ordering like there is no tomorrow. This is certainly not the purpose of Christmas, and it cannot be love, when you just order everything from Amazon, instead of going out to look for proper things yourself. I think it is the effort and the gesture that counts much more than the quantity. We are all not Dudley Dursley I hope. 😀 But what do I know about love and families. I make the presents I give away myself. 🙂

I have been getting so many presents an so much money from the people in my delivery area. I could have started to cry multiple times because I find it so touching. Ahhhhhh. I feel all warm inside thinking about it. They are probably just happy that they get their mail in these troubling postal times.

I have been writing and giving out my cards. I love giving away Christmas cards.



No time for baking Christmas cookies until yesterday. I cannot believe it. I wanted to bake so much and have been totally looking forward to it, but Uni has kept me so inredibly busy, until my breaking point. In the end, I didnt get my turn either on Tuesday or on Wednesday. The others took to long. If only I had known this in advance. It would have saved me billions of nerves and I could have baked. 😀 This weekend we at least started:



On of the highlights of every year at work is, when the postal music comes to our distribution center and play Christmas songs. Four trumpets, absolutely inredible. It always gets me into the mood like nothing else and it is so very touching I could cry my eyes out.



Yesterday, I met up with Eva. It was lovely. We exchanged gifts and talked for 3,5 hours. Always nice. Hot chocolate for the nerves:



I have been horribly emotional lately. I try everything not to hear how others celebrate Christmas with their families, because I am lacking so many people, and the reality of it is horrible and hitting hard. I could cry and cry and cry. It is even difficult to be at home, because the walls are falling down on me. I am even considering going on Antidepressants over the holidays. It is this bad. I have no idea why this year it is this bad. I am very much looking forward to Christmas! I hope I will get over myself in time.

Tomorrow I have a control appointement at the dermatology clinic. This is probably hitting on my mood as well. On the 23rd, I used to meet up with Silvia to exchange gifts. This year I get to watch the other as they go in to her to exchange gifts, while I will probably be send away, as Chef isnt in or what do I know. A grieving process. Hard to grieve about someone that isnt dead.

BUT: I AM looking forward to the holidays! No matter what. I cannt wait to collapse under the tree. To sleep under it, without having to set the alarm. To read as much and for as long as I want… this :D:

It will be lots different than your Christmas most likely, but less stressful. No appointements, nowhere to go, just laying around. I hope. I refuse to be sad! It doesnt help or change anyhing. I just need to get this into my head.

Back to work tomorrow for the Christmas Endspurt. I hope it wont be that bad, but most likely…

I will be back during Christmas. Enjoy every second. Take it all in and never forget. Lots of Love.