I wrote a long post yesterday, dont forget to check it out. 🙂 ➡

I will password-protect this blog-entry, when I write a new entry latest. I am making it public for now, because I feel this is crucial information for everyone that is reading my blog more or less regularly, in understanding the core of my personality.

I would love to hear a comment from you, if you have one. Has this happened to you? How did you deal with it? I definitely cannot wait to discuss this in therapy! :shock:As you have now probably figured from my previous posts, a very good friend decided to break up a 15 year long friendship, absolutely abruptly and without warning. All I got was a text message with 2 sentences in it. No explanation, nothing. He even deleated me from all of his friend-lists online. As if I stopped existing. I tried to contact him multiple times, asking for an explanation. No reply or any reaction at all. For all I know, he could have killed himself.

If you can remember, I had a doctor at the hospital for 4 years. We bonded and blablablub, we all know the story. But she decided to break up the contact as well. In her case, she was more decent and empathetic to write me an email.

Two people I absolutely cherished. Gone, in an instant. Sickly enough, there was a gap of between 18 months between the two “break ups”. Do you know how many months were between my Moms and Dads death? 18 months.

God knows how long I have wrecked my brain, with multitudes of tears and breakdowns, emails, forum posts, text messages and anti-depressants that I had to take, after Silvia (the doctor) decided to move on, without me. This was one of the very worst experiences in my life, and I have lived through horrible things and times. Never in my life, has a person decided to not have contact with me anymore. My heart shattered in uncountable pieces. It is like she died, and me and death do not go well together at all.

And now I have the same thing, a 1:1. He knew all of this, and he still did the exact same thing. Since this happened, I have had so many talks with various people. Trying to find a way for myself, to live on with now 2 people less. I keep telling people, hoping to get the feedback that will help me “snap out of this”. But they are all saying the same thing and it isnt too helpful in making me feel better.

This happened in my vacation. I went back to work today, emotionally absolutely drained. I should not give anyone so much power over myself ever. Hard to execute.

This weekend, while I was in an emotional phase because of those Furnace Books, I wrote an Email. I knew there wouldnt be a reply. I wrote it for myself. To try to heal. This is another key situation in my life, and therefore I am giving this so much space on this blog. As you have probably seen, I have stopped writing too private things on here, but this is necessary for myself. I am very sorry to all English speakers!.

I wish for myself, that I am never ever in this situation again. The left-behind one. It is rotten. And so many questions without answers remain.

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