The last two weeks passed in an eye-blink. 😉 As always. I am trying to watch and come up with logic behind certain behaviours of others (and my own behaviours as a matter of fact) and stop thinking about the very end results, because behind every behaviour is a motivation that starts at the very core of everything. The people at the postal distribution center are perfect to study in that sense. This is an evil thing to say about work collegues, I know. It has helped me tremendously in stopping taking everything personally. because we know, people care less about other peoples feelings and do everything to their own advantage. Which is good to some degree, but I am way too sensitive and have wrecked my brain for years why and why me.

What really helped me kicking this thinking of, were the books from Dobelli: The Art Of Thinking Clearly, which I can really recommend. The basis to his books are countless studies, but he picked and summarized them perfectly, and some of his errors in thinking, I keep using in everyday life. It has made my life much easier in some aspects. I can really recommend it. Reconsider some of your behaviours and reactions. 😎

My Halloween Preparations have come to an halt, almost, except finishing Boo #2:

… as I try to make progress with my first Bachelor Paper, but my skin has not cooperated at all. Back to the usual nightmare, while I try or read I scratch myself stupid. This leads to needing almost 2 hours for 10 pages. 😥 When I take allergy pills first thing after work, I get so sleepy that I cannot concentrate at all. It is a nightmare and the closer the deadline comes, the worse it gets. I have stopped caring about the deadline, but progress is still close to nothing. 💡 Doesnt help that Uni has started already:



All this scratching shows on my skin. People in my delivery area that dont know yet, keep asking me about it, and reactions have been all nice, but it bothers me. The bandaid supplies at work, are all used up by me, as I try to hide the worst of my scratching under it. Which makes people even more curious what is going on with my skin. A vicious circle from beginning to end.

Work is crazy. There is so much to do. Everyone is so aggressive and bad tempered. Especially some group leaders and mine too, unfortunatly. As soon as I say one word, he goes off. It is not nice and I definitely cannot cope with it, this goes on since forever. This was the reason why I applied for a special needs card to protect me, but my rotten work contract doesnt include a special needs paragraph. In my last therapy session, we have talked about how it is possible that I am treated in such a bad way in so many areas. She said what she can watch is my 1. body posture. I make myself much smaller than I already am, almost as wanting to be invisible, which makes it so much easier for people to literally speaking: throw bad behaviours on me. And, and this is something Dobelli said as well, is the 2. expectation with which I enter a situation. ❗

“Ja. Es ist wirklich möglich Dinge hinter sich zu lassen, Rakel. Es kommt bei diesen Gespenstern darauf an, sie lange und intensiv genug anzuschauen, damit man erkennt, dass es bloß Gespenster sind. Das ist die Kunst. Tote, ohnmächtige Trugbilder.” —Jo Nesbø

With all this stress conflicts at work, as awful as it is, I had a literally breakthrough with Kafkas The Castle. A completly new interpretation possibility with which I can now read this book. Maybe the main protagonist K. is trying to solve his inner conflicts in coming in contact with various people who seem to have the same conflicts, difficult to explain what I mean. But I was quite happy all day yesterday. And this quite happy mood, made my work day so much more pleasant, as I confronted people from a totally different mood-point. Ergo the reactions where different too, and the following day I got so many presents, sweets and chocolates, and thanks…

which brings me back to the first paragraph: 💡 watching dynamics and discovering the core behind it all.

Maybe, possibly, with having this all new positive outlook, I make it easier for people to get in contact with me and maybe this is how you find a proper boyfriend. 😀 Once my skin has improved, hopefully and so God will.

I was hesitant to watch the latest episode of Glee, as they honoured one of their own lost: Cory Monteith. They did it really nicely and the writing of this episode was absolutely heart wrenching.

It put so much into perspective again. A perspective that many people are terribly lacking. Stand at the graveside of someone, especially someone young, and then reconsider your behaviours. In the grand scheme of things. Something people really should do, before it is too late. People die. Everywhere all the time. A life gone. And none has ever returned. Try to be kind to each other and step over your own inner conflicts. In the end, it is so not worth it to split up in fights or what do I know. I realize I am almost pathologically, in wanting to solve everything right away, but then, I have probably lost more people than most at my age.

There would be lots to tell about the last two weeks, but this time, I am chosing a philosophical post over a factual. 😉

As Ellen sais: Be kind to one another.. Have a good one everyone. 😛