This week was rotten. Monday I met up with my therapist for the last time. She got more hours in the hospital, so she is quitting her private practice. She gave me two phonenumbers for other therapists, but I am not starting all new. This would do more damage than good. She said I could come and see her at the hospital from time to time if I felt like it. But I am not sure I am feeling like it.

Tuesday I went to the hospital. Head of the departement said skin is too bad, we knew that the Imurek only was a trial and blablablub and it is not helping, not even with the higher dose. Because this whole skin mess has been eating massively at my nerves, I am getting steroids for nine days, for my psyche as the doctor said. No gene test result yet. Maybe on Friday, if chef is in, otherwise after Easter. Apparently I am having a system reaction to pollen and because I have the complete atopic spectrum, I am reacting so heavily.

As much as I love steroids, they have pushed my mood to unknown aggressive levels. This whole health situation is very hard to deal with currently, especially as there is so much work these days, then the absolutely rotten moods of people at work. I have gone mad at work on Wednesday, shouting how there is this favouritism going on and if you dont belong to the elite circle, bad luck. Besides other problems that are not even worth being discussed here. Unprofessionalism at the highest level with people, so called group leaders, that have no sense of decency and behaviour. Please life pay back.

Thursday we had to bring the car to the mechanic because in Austria you have to get your car checked anually if it is still in good enough condition to be on the road. And of course mine isnt. Some parts have been rusting away and to get it fixed we have to pay about 1.000 Euros. Do I have to say that doing a mailround on Saturday brings in about 40 Euros? This is why this week was so rotten. Because I do, and work, and go on and on and for what? For absolutely nothing. Very frustrating.

Friday I met my obgyn again at his home. How nice. We never checked the position of the IUD after he has put it in, and I am very positively sure that it has moved down since and it is pushing on the cervix. Which you can feel. Its uncomfortable because you feel it pushing pretty much all the time these days. So in this ever ongoing life what is actually working out?

Saturday the steroids started effecting my blood pressure, which is extremley uncomfortable as your ears start to ring and your head is going wuzzy. Today its much better again.

I think I need to start to go out. To meet people. To get out of this circulus vitiosus. But for that skin needs to improve and for that I need a miracle. My own privat massive miracle.

This past week I got into the Oscar Pistorious case, because you can watch it on Sky News. Very hard to take. He keeps on breaking down in the witness stand. And I keep thinking how you can send someone to jail for life, or 25 years rather, who regrets a mistake so massively? I would be a horrible judge. As my therapist said, I have too much empathy for my own good.

What makes me happy these days? Lachgummis:

I think if I can learn to let go, I will be fine. 🙂 My time will come. Once this is is all behind me.

Happy Game Of Throneing episode 2! Last weeks episode was almost as utterly brilliant as in the books. 🙂 Watch out for the Easter Bunny everyone! ➡ ➡