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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

-1107 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

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In A Hole In The Ground…

This entry will be edited soon to make it more colourful. Stay tuned! – Time flies, what the heck?!?! Since my last entry we had snow, rain, sun. I lived through a billion emotions, arguments with brother, delivered a heck of a lot of mail, read tons, did absolutely nothing for Uni andandand… isnt it always the same??

On grieve. I seem to be stuck in some sort of perpetuum mobile. I live through the stages of grieve over and over again and I cant seem to snap out of missing my parents so incredibly much. Its a shame I have so much to time to think while delivering mail. It doesnt do me any good. Grieve is a bitch. As is death and everything that goes along with it. Whoever said life was easy? I try to keep myself happy or rather occupied… with colouring for example…

Work has been a pain. There are more very painful cuts coming in the near future… out of 126 mail carriers in Salzburg, they want to cut 16 with May 1st. The union tries everything it can to stop this from happening, but can you see a pattern? Every year around the same time we have the same thing happening. And every year it happens anyway. If we go on strike or not, who cares really? The Postal Service will continue to cut people every year until there is noone left. In the meantime… I keep on hanging on.

The success from REHA didnt last all to long. I wanted to stay away from meds and the hospital for as long as possible, from the machinery that is going on there. But my skins plan was different. Around 3 weeks ago or so my skin got really bad really fast. Back to the hospital where they put me back on on immunsuppressants, with followup appointements to check blood and blablabla. Exactly this I didnt want anymore. But I will certainly try again! Goal is REHA again next year. Another try, another chance. Whoever said it cant be done? The hospital is trying to get a study where they “wash” the IgE out of the blood… if they get the study, I have a spot. Hooray… ? ? ?

I have been reading SO much! Its rediculous really. This year I already read 11 books! 😮 I will never find a boyfriend if I spent my life behind a book cover, as nice as it is. If there werent only so many good books that wait to be read? The pains of life, isnt it horrible… which reminds me of the January Book Wrapup that I havent posted yet. Oops!

In my delivery area lives a teacher I had in school. I am not sure if I have told about that yet. I was sure that she recognized me years ago already, they get lots of Amazon packages, so I ring their bell at least once a week. But she mustnt have been certain, as her husband asked me a while ago if there is a chance that I went to that school and… so she came out and she was so excited and I just wanted to hop into a hole in the ground. In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit… On the same topic: I got a new bed. I had my old one for way to long and it had to go. Under my bed I found things from school. It was almost like a timetravel back into the days and it didnt do me any good. Nor does it do me any good to have this teacher talking to me about old times, which she hasnt yet, but I fear it will come. It messes with my head really badly and puts me into certain mindsets that have been buried long ago, but who knew that they can be resurrected that easily?!?! That alone would have been worth an entry. Had I only managed to sit down and write it. Not good, not good, not good. Not when I try so hard to grow, to progress and to flourish.

Swimming is going well. I love it so much and it does wonders for me and my ego. So much love!

Last week I got the most beautiful flowers from a “gardener supply shop” (for a massive lack of a better word). Arents they pretty? I am the most spoiled mail carrier on this planet!

Carneval season came and went and along with it our very beloved. Krapfen. They came and went, but the calories stayed. Inside my tummy. But oh so worth it!

Lately, I have really bad days. Where I miss so many people! Days, where I cant keep up my composure. Though I try hard every day to live my life with a positive outlook… sometimes I fail incredibly bad. I realize that luck is an active state and nothing that happens to people. But can luck please stop at my doorstep FOR ONCE and shower – my brother first and then maybe me – a little with luck?!? I still feel that I am missing out on so much.

I love this season of American Idol and I cant believe it wont be coming back again next year – back to grieving then, one more thing gone for good. I cant believe how awful the revival of the X-Files is? Mondays episode was beyond anything! I cant believe Chris Carter couldnt come up with a better script. Shame!

I will stay positive and I will keep hanging on. As we all must every single day. That much we must be worth to ourselves! Have a good one and I will be back soon. Lots of love!

2 Responses to “In A Hole In The Ground…”

  1. Reply to this comment
    9:14 pm on February 17th, 2016

    I love the to have the X files back and am already so much addicted.

    You know I am no Christian but as it says in the bible: there’s a time for joy and a time for grief etc. etc. Ecclesiastes 3:4 – this is something I strongly belief in. We have to live through this things to get past them and sometimes they haunt us more and other times the let us live in peace.

    Same goes for this childhood drama thing. I also can’t deal well with things from highschool and avoid meeting people from back then.

  2. Reply to this comment
    8:16 am on February 22nd, 2016

    Coloring is most theraputic! Congratulations on 11 books so far…I’m only on my 3rd book of the year (Mark Twain’s Autobiography – Volume 2) but the print is so tiny it’s taking me forever…I’m lucky to read 20 pages a night before my eyes say “ENOUGH”! It took me 6 months to get through Volume 1… 😀

    Glad you’re back posting Connie. Wishing you the best!

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