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Das Verschwinden des Josef

by Olivier Guez

-748 days until until long birthday weekend. oh no

Last FM
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Change Of Plans, Hooray

I survived my first day back at work and it was as expected. A 10 hour day , trying to get things out that were left behind the last few days by my replacement. Normal procedure. Of course arguments going on again, tears and I am – THANK GOD – not taking active part in it. I still find myself in the middle. This person is telling me her version, the other person her´s. Both Ladies are known to not be truth-loving so can I count on them telling me the truth? Of course not. This makes it a TINY bit difficult to find out what happened, but then. its not my position to fix things. I am the listener. Yes, this is a repetitive theme in my life: listening.

Also, doctor who is conducting the trial I am in, called me today. They had to order the IGe filters and they wont arrive in time so I cant be admitted to Monday. What??? After carefully planning everything, with a day off after the two apharesis days and such because of the high heparin dose and my slighly difficult work. For what? For nothing. Now I am admitted on Tuesday and will be released late Wednesday afternoon and I have to be back at work Thursday, great. He asked me if that is a problem and what do I say? Of course not! I am an idiot, really. Also, he wont be in next week because he is on vacation, great. I wonder whom I should tell that my skin is practically impossible to keep at bay and that my Asthma has gotten so much worse. Slightly important. I also hope that the John Snow look alike doctor is working on Wednesday or otherwise I might find myself getting a central line placed, because the other doctor at the transfusion clinic pretty much refused my venes. Argh!!! I am so upset!

At least Emma is Emma, she is being as cuddly and clingy and loving as she always is. Love her so much! And yes, I am in my Christmas pyjamas.

For every bad thing, there is and must be good things, too. Why do I always stress myself out over things, why cant I still just let things happen. Most of the times things can be fixed or come differently anyway. I know this and I still stress myself out. I will learn at a point I guess.

The weather has been really nice though, but after work, I just cant motivate myself to go out again. I will regret it, I am sure.

Off for now. Time for reading, Good night!


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... und in der schwärzesten Nacht meines Lebens sah ich Sterne.
Der Schatten des Windes